I ponder this word because as a mom I crave it, and then I think I often toss it aside because it feels like it’s just not possible. To be clear: for the sake of this post, I’m thinking about the balance of time and resources between my two daughters. Now that I’m actually giving it some thought this morning, no doubt part of the problem is that ‘balance’ in this context is impossible to define…. sure I can figure out actual expenditures on things like lessons and gear, but how would I even begin to quantify time spent at lessons and shows, driving, friendships with other parents, conversations (“so what are the girls doing this summer?”), even visual representations (like car decals, social posts, stuff in our house)…
What does balance mean when you have two teenage daughters, one who is über involved in horse jumping and showing, and the other one who has vastly different interests (none are even equine-adjacent). I spend so much time at the barn and shows, and so much money on all things horse. My other daughter Daphne is two years younger than Riloh and her main sport is volleyball. She’s getting really good and plays year-round, so we spend a bit of time and money on her school and club teams, but it’s considerably less than horse. She never complains about the horse stuff — time or money — but my antenna is always up because of course I want my girls to know that I support and love them equally.
I once read an idea that felt kinda right for our family about letting each kid pick “one major” — that’s their primary activity that you support to the fullest extent possible (time/budget-wise). Other activities they want to get involved in must be low- or no-cost and maybe even funded by the kid. I’m in favor of kids being involved in multiple activities to broaden interests, as long as the kid isn’t over-scheduled (there’s that tricky balance idea again). It’s very possible Daphne’s volleyball pursuits will become more “major” as she gets older and enters high school, or maybe she’ll find another primary interest to pursue.
I’m well aware this is a classic mom/parent struggle. We love our kids so we want to give them opportunities and support them as they explore their passions and interests. And I guess if they are generally good* with their pursuits and their parents’ involvement, I should be, too. (*They are ages 15 and 13; “good” can be a challenge for a mom to know.)
As I continue to ponder this one…. here are some links for fun:
